My dad died on the 14th after a lengthy battle with cancer.
I thought my life would not be that cruel to have both my parents taken away from me by the same disease, but here I am parentless at the age of 31 because of colon cancer.
I’m taking his passing a little different than I did my moms. I watched cancer slowly take my mother away and by the time she died I was so tired of seeing dying that that her death was a release. I was 17 so my mom was very much a mystery. I thought this was because we still had that parent/child type of relationship. She was not my friend, plan and simple. She didn’t care what I thought or what I wanted to do, you do as your told and nothing more was the motto of our house. We didn’t laugh together or cry together. I lived with her and she took care of me until she couldn’t take care of herself. Don’t get me wrong I love my mother, BUT as an adult I don’t feel my loss with her.
My dad on the other hand was my bestest good friend in the whole wide world. The man I could say anything and everything to. Who believed in me no matter what and was my biggest and loudest cheerleader when I didn’t deserve it at all. DJ comes pretty close to all that, but he still has options if I get too crazy lol. My dad rolled with me, crazy and all. My distance allowed me to be delusional that everything was going to be alright. His voice was so strong, I didn’t know how much weight he had lost or how much pain he was in. I thought he would tell me everything he thought I needed to know about him and life before he would leave me, but he didn’t. He hardly talked to me at all the past few weeks. Didn’t even let me wish him a happy birthday. His wife made him call me the next day. She told me that he knew I would catch on that he wasn’t doing well if he talked to me for long and he didn’t want me worry.
So he left just as much a mystery as she did. We had this conversation about a year ago where it came out that I have never seen Star Wars…none of them. He told me “Well that’s why you don’t know nothing!”
So on a plane I went to Maryland to say my good byes. I wore the polka dot dress to the funeral. Yes I have many black dresses, but that is just not what I wanted to. I left the girls behind not wanting them to start their school year on a sad note. Out of sight out of mind works very well for them. While I was away for that week I took knitting with me and watched home shopping network with my aunt that’s 73. You know home shopping network has some cute clothes. Am I getting old? I always assumed the stuff on there was for old folks. Maybe that was just who I associated having the time to watch it. Anyway don’t worry I didn’t buy anything so I can keep my youth card a little longer.
I’m fine folks really, just a little awkward and forgetful for now. I’ve made the stupidest mistake on my Agatha sweater that held up my progress for the longest time. I’ve been in love with Agatha since I saw LLadybird’s and I hated to think maybe I wasn’t good enough to actually make one.
I’m on track now but I may need to consult some of my fellow sewer/knitters if I run into anymore problems. I’ve been back home for 3 days now but have not touched my sewing machine. Maybe that jacket could go to the mini wardrobe contest for September since I haven’t even cut the fashion fabric out yet. Who knows maybe tomorrow the mojo will come back. Right now knitting is comforting, repetitive and just hard enough that every row seems like a mini triumph.
I walked by Abercombie and they had this lovely blue sweater on display. I said to myself, “I can knit that”. Oh lawdy it has started.
Of course it has gotten the “lay of approval”.
Life goes on.
School starts Monday.
There’s hair to do and clothes to iron.
Messes to clean.
Skype calls from DJ.
Blogs to catch up on.
Star Wars to watch…
♥ ♥ ♥